Age…is just a number?
It’s about that time again folks. The winds are shifting, leaves are turning, ACL is quickly approaching and I’m about to be another year older. Every year i tend to do things to take my mind off the horrible fact that my youth is slowly slipping away; I’ll cut my hair, get a great new outfit, maybe even pick up a new hobby and definitely start the whole “re-evaluation of life choices” This year I did all of that annnnnnnd had to go to the DMV this week to renew my drivers license.
Dane Cook is right, in the future everything will be done in seconds…but the DMV will still take four freakin’ seconds! The person at the information desk never knows what’s going on, the DPS officer hanging around is just obviously the socialite of the task force and the women behind the counters taking your picture (and I say women because i’ve never seen a man working at the DMV ever…unless you count that episode of Family Guy) are always in such GREAT moods (read: did their dog just die, why do they hate everything? And why can’t i review my picture without them rolling their eyes…that picture is going to be on my ID for freakin ever!)
This visit was dreaded from the time i got my renewal notice in the mail so of course i wait as long as possible to actually go get this done. Even the day of the big trip i procrastinate to the point that the DMV closes in 45min. As i pull up three cars-fulls of bright eyed teenagers unload and rush to the door before i can pull my old feeble body out of the car. Then as i walk up now knowing that the line will be that much longer with the these newbies waiting to cash in their permits i get to the door and it informs me they only take Cash, Check or Money order….WHAT???? Way to save the planet! First off, i never cary cash, i was told by my bank that ordering checks would be the stupidest thing ever because i can do that online now and who in the world would thinks…hmmm lets go get a money order. GREAT! i have 20min at this point to find an ATM get cash and get back to this shotty building before they close because i refuse to just come back another day.
Accomplished, as i walk inside i realize the building hasn’t been updated since the 1970s and i’m not sure what was on that door handle but i sure do hope i don’t get a disease. Information desk lady looks younger than me…but doesn’t everyone these days…and pretty boy DPS Officer finally decides to help me out and give me the form i need…following up with, “You are 18 or older right? **wink**” I reply with a smile and as i turn around a glare. Fill out the form….not before the 16 year old that came in after me though…damn their quick…and get my number and wait. Meanwhile, little Billy (not his real name, i didn’t know the kid) and his grandfather are waiting to get his license. Poor Billy, his grandfather was one of those people that thought pacing and talking loudly made the help work faster. You could tell Billy was thinking “Grandpa shut your freakin’ pie hole!” Don’t worry Billy, so were we.
Finally my number gets called! I make my way back to the desk and try not to piss this lady off because what if she purposefully chose a bad picture for my ID…that just wouldn’t work! No luck because she is so soft spoken and my hearing sucks that “huh?” becomes my response to everything she is asking. I check my vision…thank goodness i passed…these contacts are waaaaaay passed their life expectancy. We change my address information and my voter registration info then she begins to verify my other info…such as height and eye color and weight…which isn’t even on the card so why the heck does she need to know.
“You’re still 5′6″ ma’am?”
“Sure am.” (really i’m 5′6 1/4″)
“Your weight is 120lbs…”
“Huh?”
“Do you still weigh 120lbs?”
“Haha SURE!”
She looks up at me
“Okay, no. No i no longer weigh 120.”
“Current weight ma’am…”
I told her…..just like her you don’t need to know….
She glanced up.
“I mean that ID was from High School…i was like 16 then so….
“please step on the white line for your photo ma’am.”
“alright then…”
Snap….
Now feeling old and fat i left…without reviewing my picture because she hated me already so what’s the point. I’m sure i’ll get it in the mail a few weeks from now and look old, fat and quite possibly cross eyed. Perfect. At least ACL is next weekend! Between picking my line up for that and watching this really cool channel Grande has added for the months of September and October that plays scary movies i’m sure i can distract myself long enough to get past my birthday.
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